I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
