Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
