When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
