hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
