i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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