I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
