You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
