i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
