I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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