oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
