just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
