I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
