I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
