It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
