Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
