So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
