My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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