He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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