wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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