Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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