Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They have beer where we have blood.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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