If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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