dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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