So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
