So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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