By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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