I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
