I can tuck mytits in my pants
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
