I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm passing your future prison.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
