you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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