doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
