I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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