All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
