The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
