i don't like sucking hair
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
