After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
