Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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