im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
