the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
