you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
