I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
