i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize