Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
