dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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