If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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