i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
