You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize