some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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