I wanna bring you to show and tell
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
