those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
