I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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