batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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