mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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