Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
