He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
