I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
