i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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