Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
