i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's the barista slut.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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