i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
