You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just high enough for therapy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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