remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
